


Wounded Love

by LOTSlover



Category: Legend of the Seeker
Genre: Angst, Episode Tag, F/M, One Shot, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-12-24
Updated: 2011-12-24
Packaged: 2017-10-27 23:38:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,578
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/301306
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LOTSlover/pseuds/LOTSlover
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This has been spinning around in my head ever since watching the ep Fury. What would have happened if Richard had hit Kahlan instead of Cara with his sword? Written from Richard's POV.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Wounded Love

**Author's Note:**

> Anything from S2 up through episode Fury

They say you hurt the one you love most. I always scoffed at that saying, thinking how ridiculous that sounded. If you truly loved someone with your whole heart, how could you ever hurt the one you love most? I never believed that to be possible or true until today.

Today turned into one of the most horrible days of my life. The one thing that I thought I could never or would never do, I did. And now as I watch her sleep, I am filled with such self-hatred and loathing, I wish I could lie down and die.

It had all started innocently enough with trying to teach the Minders how to fight, how to defend themselves. I had only wanted to help them, to teach them how to stand up for themselves, to learn how to protect their families. As the Seeker, fighting was something that I knew best whether it was with sword or staff.

The best part about teaching the Minders, though, was the sparring I did with Kahlan. One would not know it to look at her, her beauty is that disarming, but she is a highly skilled warrior. She is my equal in every way. To watch her fight is truly amazing to behold, melding such grace with agility and skill.

It is mesmerizing how she spins and twists, slicing her daggers in the dance that is a battle of life and death, treading the fine line between the Underworld and this world. It is a battle I wish she did not have to face, but as the Mother Confessor I know that she must. It is an ever-present threat that comes with the woman that she is and the title that she carries. Even though I am relieved that she is able to protect herself, I still worry about her every time peril rears its ugly head.

The intensity in Kahlan's blue eyes and the little smirk on her beautiful lips while we spar caused electricity to fire in my brain, exciting my system and causing my love for her to blaze even hotter. If I could, I would've taken her right here, powers be damned. There is absolutely nothing her powers could possibly take from me that I have not already freely given to her.

My breath was coming in short pants; she was breathing heavier too, her chest heaving with the effort, her breasts rising and falling with each gasp for more air. My heart raced at the site. As my eyes lingered at her chest, I slowly returned my gaze to her intense blue eyes that pierced my very soul. She gave me that special smile she saves only for me, only for those little moments of mutual knowing and longing like this.

I couldn't help but smile back, blushing slightly as she knows where my thoughts were, where every night's dreams begin and end. I was brought out of my lustful thoughts when her staff came rushing straight for my head, a mischievous gleam in her eye as she attempted to get me to focus again. But it's impossible when she is around. Everything ceases to exist when she's near me.

I raised my staff and countered her attack blow for blow and I was forced once again to focus on the task I had begun. Turning towards the Minders, I continued the lessons and demonstrations that will enable them to defend themselves.

But then something happened. Something unexpected and magical. It was like I was an observer in a living nightmare that I had no control over. I spoke, I moved, I thought, and I felt, but I had no control over any of it. Rage was in control. Anger that I held in my heart about so many things, mingling with the rage of the Sword of Truth was seeping into every fiber of my being.

Still now, I can remember seeing my sword strike down so many men; the blood that flowed through the streets, covering my face, my hands, and my sword. I still feel the lingering rage that blazed wildly through my body, scorching my veins and searing my heart. I had not felt rage like that before in my whole life. I had come close to it several times especially when Giller tried to take Kahlan's powers, when Rahl had his filthy hand on her face. This time, though, the rage was dark and evil, vengeful and full of hate. There was no righteous judgment held in this wrath, only revenge.

Then Kahlan and Cara had arrived. Kahlan calmly tried to reason with me, telling me that I was not myself, but I would not listen. So consumed with the rage surging within me, I refused to listen even to Kahlan, the one person who knows me better than I know myself. She was the one person I would always listen to no matter what…but not this time.

I told her she either fought with me or against me, but she would not listen to me. Spirits, why didn't she just listen to me? The thought keeps pounding in my head even now. But deep down I know. Kahlan loves me too much to allow me to destroy myself, to allow me to lose myself to the rage of the sword.

I am overwhelmed by her love and her unwavering oath to protect me no matter what it costs her, but I just wish this one time she would have stayed away. If she had, she would never have been hurt. No…that's not true. If I had been stronger, if I had been able to control the fury, if I had just listened to her. The weight of guilt is dragging me into its murky depths.

Kahlan had tried to stop me, grabbing me shoulder. In a burst of wild irrepressible rage, I spun around, raising my sword and striking the side of her head with the hilt. I'll never forget the feel of the handle connecting with her skull, the sick cracking sound of metal hitting bone, seeing her slump to the ground unconscious, blood pouring from her head.

I squeeze my eyes tightly closed now against the appalling images that repeatedly flash in my head, taunting me and reminding me of what I have done to the one I love more than my own life. How could I ever think to raise my sword to Kahlan, to the one I claim that I love? What could ever possess me to do such a horrific thing?

Unable to stop the images by closing my eyes, I press the heels of my hands into my eyes, attempting to push them from my mind…but they continue to haunt me and will do so until I die.

Images of Kahlan lying pale and lifeless on the ground. Seeing the look of sheer horror and disbelief in Cara's eyes. Feeling my heart race, I stood panting with rage over Kahlan, my sword still gripped tightly in my hand.

Then I turned towards Cara and she kicked the Sword of Truth from my hand. As I released the sword, I stumbled back against a tree, confused as if I had just awoken from a terrible dream. I looked all around me, trying to understand what was happening as the boiling rage diminished into a low simmer. As it does, my mind begins to clear, realization sweeping over me like a sudden gust of wind. I look at Cara who is standing before me, stunned yet ready to fight me if needed. I look at the Minders who are standing, staring at me in bewilderment.

Then my gaze finally fell on the woman lying on the ground; I stifled a cry that threatened to escape my throat. Tears blurring my vision, I raced to my Kahlan who is injured…by my sword…by my hands.

"Kahlan?" I cried as I gently picked her up in my arms and held her to my chest, shock seizing control of my mind. "I'm so sorry, Kahlan. Please open your eyes…Kahlan, please…I'm so sorry," I murmured over and over into her hair as I cried, the emotional tempest that had seized my soul for the last twenty-four hours finally being broken free in a deluge of tears.

I carried her to Zedd, my face set like stone as the guilt and sorrow over my actions has begun to eat away at my heart. It's not safe for Kahlan to be near me anymore, I cannot be trusted. I do not deserve her love after I almost killed her. How could she possibly love me now?

My eyes began to moisten with more unshed tears that begged for release, but that was not the time. I had to make sure that Kahlan would be alright. I gently laid her down on the bed of one of the Minders. With a trembling hand, I brushed her beautiful hair off of her injured face so that Zedd could heal her.

Zedd told me that it wasn't my fault, that there was magic at work along with the sword, but I don't believe him. I should have been strong enough; my love for her should have been stronger than the rage, preventing me from hurting her.

Slowly the wound on Kahlan's head stops bleeding before it begins to knit together. Soon, there is only a bruise that is left on the side of her beautiful face. Zedd told me that she would need time to rest.

Sitting by her side now two hours since the accident, I still cannot bring myself to take her hand in mine even though it is killing me not to touch her. Everything inside of me cries out to stay with her, to not leave her side, but I know that I do not deserve to be near her. My guilt and self-loathing is at war with the all-consuming love that resides in my heart for her.

How could I have allowed things to grow so out of control? I had allowed the title of the Seeker of Truth to become a license to do whatever I deemed as moral, honorable, and right. I had, after all, defeated Darken Rahl and rid the world of a tyrant. Didn't I have that right? People looked to me for help, for direction, and protection.

Rubbing my face with my hands, I turn my gaze towards the device that has become my friend and my foe. Looking at it now, I curse the day that I ever saw that damned sword. Because I held that sword, so many have been sent to the Underworld by my hand and Kahlan had almost been counted as one of them.

My stomach turns and twists at the thought, my heart feels like a dagger has been driven deep into it. My head throbs, but not as severely as it has been the last several hours. I don't know where these headaches are coming from all of the sudden, but I can't seem to shake them.

Releasing a sigh, I stand to my feet, no longer able to bear being this close to her and not touching her after what I have done to her. Closing my eyes for a moment, a tear escapes my eye, slipping down my cheek. I turn to leave, but I'm halted by a hand on my wrist.

I cannot bear to turn around and look into those beautiful blue eyes I could lose myself in forever. Eyes that reflect deep love for me…love that is so undeserved. If she only knew the monster I have become over the last day, the true me that has suddenly surfaced. I don't know who I am any more. Spirits only knows what other heinous things I am capable of doing.

"Richard," her voice softly comes floating into the very center of the storm inside my soul. "Please, don't go."

I hang my head in shame still unable to look my beloved in the eye. How can she possibly ask me to stay after striking her, almost killing her?

Her hand tugs on my wrist before slowing sliding down to clutch my hand. My hand involuntarily closes around hers in response to her touch, unable to keep my heart from what it wants more than anything…her.

She gently pulls me even closer to her bed until I am no longer able to resist her; I cannot fight her, not when it comes to giving her anything that she wants from me. I slowly sit down on the edge of the bed and even now I am not able to look at her.

I feel her hand beneath my chin as she gently forces me to look at her. Biting my lower lip, the anxiety swelling inside begins crashing like tidal waves over my soul. Tears begin to well up and roll down my face as she sits up and pulls me into her arms.

We hold each other for what seems like hours but are actually only moments as time alone with her always ceases to exist. I suddenly pull away, fearful I will hurt her again. I finally look into those eyes and all I see is love and concern.

"Richard, it's all right; I'm alright," Kahlan softly says, taking my face in her hands.

She leans forward and begins to kiss away the remnants of my tears that are still wet on my face. I close my eyes, reveling in the feel of her lips on my skin. My breathing is becoming heavier as my desire for this woman begins escalating. I want her so desperately sometimes it hurts. I ache for her so much that I think it will drive me insane at times. It takes every ounce of strength not to lay her down and devour her right here.

But then images of her lying on the ground, head bleeding all because of me causes me to jerk away from her. I see the hurt in her eyes for pulling away from her kisses and it makes my heart ache that much more.

"Kahlan…I can't…I'm scared. I'm so sorry; I don't want to hurt you again. I can't be near you anymore."

My words come out in an anguished rush, not knowing where to begin or how I was ever going to be able to stay away from her. It was almost more painful pushing her away than it was striking her with my sword.

"Richard, there is nothing to forgive. I have never and will never be scared of you or your touch. This was not your fault. Zedd said there was a magical spell involved that reacted with the rage of the sword. Richard, it was beyond your control," she adamantly says, her words firm and unwavering as is the reflection of love that shines in her eyes. I almost believe her, I want so desperately to believe her, but I just cannot let go of the guilt.

Zedd comes in then and tells us that the enemy is nearing. We must help the Minders. Kahlan attempts to get out of the bed, but I gently push her back, telling her she needs to rest. She gives me that look that alerts me to the fact this is another argument I am not destined to win.

Standing out in the field as the enemy approaches, Kahlan is standing by my side. I am thankful for her presence for she is my anchor, the sweet calm center of the eye of the tempest that spins violently in my soul. I am still wracked with guilt as I take in the bruise that colors her face, but I have a feeling she is not going to allow me to wallow in it.

In some things, she is stronger than me. How can I not give into her? She could ask me to crawl to the Underworld and back on my hands and knees and I would do it in a heartbeat without a second thought. Our love is something I would willingly lay my life down for.

She hands me the Sword of Truth, the weapon that I am terrified to hold once again. She tells me it belongs to me, but I refuse it. I will not take it until I know that I can control the rage, until I know that Kahlan will be safe in my presence again.

The enemy is defeated without bloodshed, without me having to take back the Sword of Truth. If I have my way, I would never see that sword ever again, but I know that this is something I must face, that I must overcome.

Standing in a clearing, the Minders locked safely away, I am ready to begin the process. Cara stands ready to stop me if necessary. Kahlan stands watching, her eyes filled with worry for me. Zedd raises his hand and begins the painful process of getting to the heart of the rage that has erupted unexpectedly in my soul.

He asks what I am angry at and I respond, but am quickly shut down by Zedd who probes even deeper. I erupt with another response only to be shot down again by the Wizard. The anger is steadily increasing, becoming harder to control. I don't know how much longer I will last.

Zedd shouts at me again, asking me what makes me angry. I cast a glance at my Confessor and I know what I am angry at. Why can't we be allowed the life we so desperately want to share with each other? We have given so much for the good of others. This is the only thing that Kahlan and I ask for…to just be able to love each other and share a life together.

"I can't be with the woman I love!" I shout at Zedd, rage seething through my blood.

I see the hurt in Kahlan's eyes at the emotional pain and anger I have finally vocalized. I have tried to be strong and not allow her to see how deeply it affects me not being with her, but I am no longer able to ignore it.

Zedd practically scoffs at my pain and anger of not being able to be with Kahlan and it only serves to further enrage me. Probing deeper still, I finally reveal how angry I am at Zedd for naming me Seeker and taking me from my home. I charge toward my grandfather and come close to striking him down, but I am able to stop myself at the last moment.

The training goes long into the night into the early morning hours. The sun is beginning to rise. I am exhausted and emotionally drained like nothing I have ever experienced before in my life. It was a painful process, but I have learned control over the rage. I pray that it is enough.

Kahlan walks over to me as I place the sword back in its rightful place at my hip. While I detest the weapon, it is my constant companion and I am finally at peace with myself and the sword. I know who I am again. I am Richard Cypher, the Seeker of Truth, and if I weren't I would have never met my Confessor. For that fact alone, I am grateful for who I am.

As I look at her I see so many emotions flashing through her eyes. Love, relief, hurt. It's all there just beneath the surface. I place a hand to the side of her face and caress her cheek with my thumb. I will do everything within my power to make it possible for us to be together someday.

"Richard, I'm so sorry," Kahlan softly apologizes as she melts into my caress, closing her eyes against tears that threaten to fall.

"Kahlan, what could you possibly have to apologize for? I'm the one who is sorry. I raised my sword to you. I struck you…I almost killed you…" I choke out the last words, my voice cracking with lingering unresolved guilt.

"Richard, it's because of me that we can't be together. It's my fault you're hurting and angry," she heatedly replied, averting her eyes. "I never meant to hurt you; I only wanted to love you."

"It is not your fault, Kahlan. If I had known then what I know now, I would fall in love with you all over again. I will find a way for us to be together and when that happens, it will be so beautiful."

Leaning in, I place a kiss to her sweet lips. She readily responds to my kiss, showing me what she feels in her heart for me. Pulling away all too soon, Kahlan presses her forehead to mine.

"I am sorry for hurting you, Kahlan. You know I would never intentionally hurt you," I finally say, wanting to make sure she knows.

"I know and I never want to hear you apologize for it again," she lovingly scolds. "Sometimes you hurt the one you love most," she whispers with a little smile before placing a tender kiss to my lips.

Burying my hands in her hair as I return her kiss, I decide that love can be painful at times, but it is definitely worth the risk.

THE END


End file.
